The Boston Marathon is a magical day in the Boston area, there are few events that truly unite a community like this one. The city is filled with awe, inspiration, energy, accomplishment, spirit, strength, cooperation and uplift. It’s one of my favorite days!
This year I was struck by how much the process of running a marathon is similar to the journey of parenting. There is one obvious difference – there is no iconic “Finish Line” in parenting and there really is no end point. Here are five ways Parenting is like a Marathon.
- Anyone can do it, but you need a plan
I’m always inspired by the diversity of runners – pretty much any body can run a marathon! Running a marathon, it is more about planning, commitment, dedication, and perseverance than it is about talent and skill. Watching others train I’ve learned you need to start somewhere. You begin with 1 mile and build to 26.2 over time. Meeting the goal requires smaller actionable steps that make up the larger task.
Parenting is the same. A lot goes into preparing for the journey, and for some the planning starts in trying to conceive. Young parents have to figure out how to organize different parts of their lives, couples need to plan how to balance the responsibilities, parents make decisions about what school and how many activities and family rules. Perhaps most importantly, you need a compass to help formulate your values and priorities, what kind of a human you are trying to raise, and how you are going to navigate challenges.
- Self-care is not optional
Training for and running a marathon takes a toll on the body and mind, and attending to the care of you along the way is essential. In order to run, you need nutrition, hydration, sleep and recovery. As aches inevitably occur throughout training, the way you nurture yourself and heal makes a difference in your resilience. Your performance on the day of the race is determined by all the ways you prepared and took care of yourself along the way.
While often the focus in parenting is on caring for your child, we cannot care for others if we do not also take care of ourselves. Parents also need nutrition, hydration, sleep and recovery. Parents need connection, inspiration, interests, meaning, fun and support. Parents must invest in emotional resources, communication skills, and understanding human development. Parenting is a long, arduous, intense and rewarding journey, and taking care of yourself physically and emotionally is essential.
- Obstacles arise, and we can still make it
Over the course of the 26.2 mile race, there are many ups and downs, physically and emotionally. Sprints, endurance, hurdles, up hills, down hills, bumps and potholes, and bends in the road – these are all part of the race terrain. Even with good planning and preparation, injuries and challenges can arise that are unanticipated. Runners somehow keep going – they run, walk, pause, hydrate, massage and do what they need to do. For many, crossing that finish line is a monumental accomplishment. Sometimes the obstacles are too great and the goal must be left behind. Acceptance and self-compassion are often all we can hold.
Parenting can feel this way too. There are a myriad of small and big catastrophes that arise in the raising of infants, children and teenagers that challenge us to our core. We can go from a sense of calm to a sense of chaos and danger almost instantaneously. There are any number of disasters that can’t be predicted, anticipated or planned for. And yet as parents we are required to roll with it, to step up and in to the fray, to deal with the hard things, the way things don’t happen as we had envisioned. The way parents stay present and mindful, find strength to continue, and to hold hope and love and acceptance is essential to the job of parenting. Somehow, we will continue, we will deal with the obstacle, and it will not always feel so hard. We can still cross the proverbial finish line.
- We are better when we are in Community
I’ve watched runners train with coaches, running groups and friends. Having a buddy to run with on those cold dark winter days is motivating and helpful. And on Marathon Monday, the support and cheering and emotion in the crowds along the way is palpable and buoying. The energy and collective uplift of the crowd inspires runners to keep going, to have confidence in themselves, and to put one foot in front of the other to keep moving toward the finish line.
Parenting is the same. We all need support and encouragement along the way. We need others to guide, cheer, encourage and inspire, and also to hold us through the tough times. Parents need coaching, education, resources, and community. We can’t do it alone.
- It truly takes a village
All over the marathon route, you can’t miss the excitement of the people who come out to watch and cheer. But what’s also striking is how much collaboration goes into the day – the logistics teams, the safety and law enforcement teams, the medical volunteers, the local businesses supporting both the runners and the spectators, the water and nutrition tables, the clean-up crews, and so many other necessities. It reminded me that parenting truly takes a village too. Families need other families, we need friends and supports, health and wellness resources, teachers, coaches, tutors, economic supports, law and policy supports, recreational outlets – the list of what parents and families need to thrive is endless.
The reason that Marathon Monday is so magical is that it leaves us all feeling a sense of awe and inspiration, that anything is possible, a sense of community and connectedness, and the hope that we can attain the loftiest of goals. Parenting is like this too – it is humbling and awe-inspiring, there are endless possibilities for who your child will become, there is so much power in love and connection, and the meaning we make in relationships with others is so powerful. This all fuels us to put one foot in front of the other, to define our goals, set the small steps, take care of ourselves along the way, overcome the obstacles, get through the hard moments, and find community. The Magic of Marathon Monday is that it instills in us the belief that we too can do the impossible, and that we are all in it together. It’s a winning recipe, no matter what marathon we’re pursuing.